Are you Overwhelmed or could it be ADHD Flooding?

0:00 Welcome back to the Women's Mental Health Podcast. I'm Randi. And I'm Jess. And we are two licensed psychotherapists. This is a safe place where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges. And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone. In today's episode, we are exploring ADHD induced emotional flooding, or just flooding as we call it, and the impact on women's mental health. For those turning in, we're here to help women improve their mental health, self care, and overall well being. Find us and more resources on womensmentalhealthpodcast. com. Have you ever had these thoughts? What exactly is ADHD induced emotional flooding?

0:40 How common is flooding in women with ADHD? What makes emotional flooding so intense for those with ADHD? Can ADHD flooding impact your relationships? Are there any specific triggers that can cause emotional flooding in ADHD? How can I tell the difference between regular stress and ADHD emotional flooding? What are some strategies to manage the flooding? Is meditation a viable option to help control flooding with ADHD? Or, as it actually says, is medication? Oh, is medication. But, meditation, medication, either one. It could be. Meditation can be medication. Yeah, there you go.

1:21 What lifestyle changes can assist women with flooding and reduce all the emotional pieces to it? And can therapy or counseling really help with ADHD induced emotional flooding? So let's dive into that. ADHD flooding refers to when you are so overwhelmed with the feeling of being unable to process and manage multiple tasks or emotions or stimuli at once. So when you say stimuli, what does that mean? Oh gosh, that could be noise, your kids saying mom. It could be lights. It could be sounds. It could be anything that you see that is coming at you at once. It could be people that are just walking by you at Target.

2:04 It could be any of that. So that happens when someone with ADHD faces too many demands on their attention and it leads to like a sense of paralysis. It's incognitive overload. I've called Randy before and or texted her and I've been like, Hey, what's going on? And she's I'm in ADHD paralysis. Yeah. I'm just frozen. I'm just frozen. And you feel like you should be doing a million different things and you can't do any of them. And then you're frustrated. Like, why can't I do this? You are just completely overwhelmed. So you shut down and freeze. Right. And you're either pacing around or just doing absolutely nothing and you're just like, whew. So where does the term flooding, why do we use flooding?

2:47 So the term flooding is used because it describes the sensation of being submerged under a wave of information, emotions, or tasks. So like you're just feeling overwhelmed. You're just being flooded. If you see like a flood coming towards you, I think of it as a tsunami like that is coming down on me I would feel pure tear and panic And when you see videos of that happening like in real life Like if there's a disaster a lot of people freeze up like Oh, crap, what do I do? Yeah, and you can't understand what is happening because it's all happening so fast and you panic. so just like that, it feels sudden, it feels intense, and it feels uncontrollable.

3:32 And it feels so real when it happens. Just, oh my gosh. Yeah. So how does flooding specifically affect women and their mental health? I think with women, it's so challenging because we often juggle multiple roles and responsibilities, where we work, family, we do the social obligations. Yeah, listen to our kin keeping episodes, we talk about that, the invisible workload. Exactly. We are constantly switching between different tasks at the same time. That it just makes these feelings of overwhelm just even more intense. so it just leads to more stress and anxiety and even depression for some people, cause it's just so much.

4:14 I read that we make 35, 000 decisions a day. Oh God. 35, 000 decisions a day. I'm just like, let that sink in. That sounds so overwhelming to me, saying it out loud, and we don't consciously think, I'm making 35, 000 decisions a day, but when you say that it feels like that, and that's what this is, it's all those decisions, and all those tasks, and all those emotions just coming down on you at once, and you realize, Oh my God, I make 35, 000 decisions a day. I know, and I'm even going, I don't want to make 35, 000 decisions.

4:56 Well, that was a decision right there. Right. I'm, I was, wow. Okay. 35 is a lot. 35, 000. That's a lot. and on top of that, society's expectations or familial expectations and pressures can add to that burden and that weight, making women especially feel like they need to be perfect and uphold this image and all these areas of their lives. So that can really increase the frequency and intensity of having a flooding episode. We talked about what it feels like, but it really, it comes out of nowhere when it happens. It could be for me, it typically happens late at night, When I'm just taxed and I'm tired and then all of a sudden it could be just like a sound, the dryer going off over and over that pushes you.

5:46 Yes. And then it's like this complete anxiety meltdown and it is ADHD flooding. Part of it is to really recognize the signs that this is going to happen. And sometimes you can pay attention to it and know, Oh, I'm being flooded right now. Yeah. So you said sometimes it comes out of nowhere, but then you also mentioned that when you feel like it, you're tired. It's late at night. Okay. So I'm calling her out that those are her triggers, and this helps too, talking about this stuff out loud helps us realize sometimes our triggers that we might not be consciously recognizing. Because then you're like, when you're talking about it, you're like, okay, like I see, oh, it's when my kids are screaming, everybody's hungry, or maybe I'm hungry, or when I think Have I drank any water today?

6:33 Have I eaten any protein? No. Okay. Why do I feel like I'm on the verge of disaster? Well, I also haven't been taking care of myself, so that's going to trigger, these intense flooding episodes. that's why it's important to start recognizing these signs in your body to know that this is what is happening. Oh I, I'm tired, or maybe I'm overwhelmed. really being more proactive in your steps to manage it, and part of it is starting to like, What was that? Sorry, that was my thing. I have a, because of my ADHD, I have a clock that announces what time it is every hour so I don't lose track of time.

7:14 I was like, there's a dude in our room. What was that? I can't see him. Okay, sound off. But that leads into how we can normalize. And understand ADHD flooding and help those around us, too, if we have it, understand what we're going through. Exactly. the first part is to recognize that it's happening, And the second one would be to prioritize your tasks. that's that whole chunking thing you and I have, both have done, is breaking things down into smaller manageable steps. So you can prioritize them so you're not so overwhelmed. So you can see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You can see a goal. You can see a path. You've cleared out the clutter in your head, you know.

7:56 and then too, like we were talking about, if you are experiencing this yourself and you need support, you need to then create a supportive environment for yourself. this is encouraging that open communication about ADHD and the challenges that you face. And having that supportive network of friends, therapists, doctors, whatever that looks like for you can make a huge difference in your life. Because when you feel supported, You don't feel as alone in this. Exactly. And that time I was talking about when I sent you a text and you were like, I'm feeling was like, so what are you doing? And you're like, Oh, your husband had just, provided lunch and had, a drink and was having you sit down to eat.

8:38 And I was like, okay, cool. You got it. Because you hadn't eaten, make sure you had your liquids. That is that supportive environment. Yeah, even if it's just a text message from a friend, checking in, it doesn't have to be this huge deal you don't have to send flowers, That's nice. But, just a simple message that's thoughtful can help us just pause and recenter and know that we're not alone. It is. If we can learn what tools or apps we need. I know Randy likes her apps, she's got apps to do reminders, we've talked about Alexa, having planners. I've got my tablet where I do my dumping so nothing floats around in my brain. Yeah.

9:18 And we have a family whiteboard, like that we put things down on that can help us like visually see what's happening that week. And keeping on top of that really helps us too, as a family who all have ADHD, stay on top of things. it's important to remember to practice self care. I know we talk about it again and again, and we have several podcasts on it. You guys can go back and listen to it, but incorporating regular time for yourself can help you manage stress. And reduce burnout because work, family, friends, relationships, whatever it is that's burning you out. You need to take a step back and spend some time with yourself.

9:59 And that can be doing mindfulness. That can be exercising. That can be hobbies. Your meditation. Yeah, that can be just. sitting in the sun, or it can be remembering to take your medication, too. That's self care. Because a lot of times we just keep putting ourselves on the back burner. We do. Especially as women, we really put ourselves on the back burner and try to make everything else happen for everybody else versus going, this is what I need today. Y'all aren't getting any of this today because I need this. Really also teaching that it's not selfish. That's the other one. And it's okay to seek professional help if you need it. Therapy and medication can be very effective in managing ADHD symptoms.

10:43 And Jess and I can both attest to that being late diagnosed ADHD and both going on medication. And it was like, Oh, wow. This is how normal people feel. I can't believe it was like all the puzzle pieces came together. Don't be afraid to try those things and if they work for you, great, amazing. If they don't, you know that they don't. Now on the other hand, if you are someone that is trying to support, a friend or a family member or a partner that has ADHD and may be experiencing flooding, there are ways that you can support them. And so what are some of the things that we can do, Jess? The first one is to really be patient, understanding that flooding, it can be so overwhelming and it may take time to recover from, offer your patience, your understanding during these times, pick up something that can make it a little easier.

11:36 Just like we talked about, Randy's husband had provided lunch for her. Yeah, it doesn't have to be huge. A lot of the times too, we feel when we are in paralysis like this, like my personal experience is that I felt like I was so lazy. Because I couldn't break through this wall that I felt like encased in. And that is not the case at all, because your mind is still running rampant. You just are shutting down physically. Really to having, Empathy for what is happening to that person. And that comes in with being patient. Right. And offer some practical help telling them to hurry up and let's move faster. That doesn't help anybody who's being flooded Offer, help organize or offer some reminders.

12:23 Just being supportive, not judgmental, use that empathy, simple tasks help create a calm environment. That can sometimes help too is, let me grab the kids and we're going to go to the park. Right. you can have some quiet time in the house and, or let's go on a walk. Let's just change the environment and go on a walk. Right. And noticing those things too, for your partner or your friends or your family members before they get to the part where they're melting down, also being aware of what stimuli is triggering them that just is human kindness, and care for your partner or your friend or your kids can be flooded as well because they have all of this information flowing at them and they especially don't know how to manage it and they don't understand why it's happening.

13:07 No, so they melt down. So that's why it's important to encourage breaks. When your kid is going through their final or they've got a midterm, have you had a break? Let's get some protein. why don't you take a break and, text a friend for a few minutes. Right. Homework, whatever it is. Even if they're playing video games, like maybe they are getting overstimulated too. Okay, let's reset. Let's pause. Let's do, something else for five minutes. my son has very rigid thinking. So I have to think of a way to be like, Hey, let's, pause this game and just go outside for a walk, can reset and that helps with that cognitive overload that we get. you can hear when they start getting upset and it's very real for them, whether it's a video game or you're in the kitchen trying to figure out what, to make for dinner.

13:52 It's. Real. So validate their feelings. Acknowledge that their feelings are real. It's important because it's important to them, which is why they're being flooded. Even if you're like, it's just a video game, but to them, it's important, right? For them, that's their life in that moment. And it feels all encompassing. And they're mad at whoever's doing something, or destroyed their Minecraft house, or I, I can't keep up. I mean Whatever it is. We have to think we want our feelings validated by our partners and friends all the time, so our children also want. To have those feelings validated. So that's just another thing too, that you can, put into your toolbox, help validate, whoever you're trying to help their emotions.

14:33 So you acknowledge that. Yeah. And if you need help with learning how to validate their emotions, we have done a podcast on how to validate emotions because it's hard sometimes if you can't. Get it. Right. And you have to be like, okay, well, this is important to them. So yeah, listen to that podcast. We did examples of how to say things and talk to each other let's answer some of these questions that we had. Burning thoughts. The burning thoughts. Nice. Okay, we went over what exactly is emotional flooding, but how common is it in women with ADHD? Many women with ADHD experience emotional flooding although most of us don't know what that is, we just say it's anxiety. We don't understand and we don't talk about it because ADHD can affect the way our emotions are regulated.

15:20 It makes these intense feelings even more so for some. So it really is a shared struggle we were talking about it a couple of weeks in one of our podcasts and I was like, Oh no. That's flooding because we thought it was just anxiety and it's different when it's anxiety versus the ADHD flooding. Well, I've talked about it before too is that I thought I had anxiety in my whole life, but then when I was diagnosed with ADHD and none of the anxiety medication I took ever helped. And then going on ADHD medication and, learning other coping skills. And then I was like, Oh, I don't have anxiety. I have ADHD and, the overwhelming, issue with, regulating my emotions and flooding.

16:05 Randi, why does Emotional flooding. Why is it so intense for those with ADHD? you have to imagine your brain as Like an orchestra. So say you're at a concert and there's an orchestra in the front and there's all these instruments right that have apart and playing this musical and that's how you process emotions. But with ADHD, some of the instruments are all playing out of sync. It sounds jumbled and wild and you're like cringing. you can see if you're thinking of them as notes, they're bouncing all over the place. this can mean that emotions, when you have ADHD, hit harder and last longer than they do for others.

16:47 It can seem like you're stuck in an emotional rollercoaster. without a way to get off the roller coaster. So it's just going like up and down, or all these instruments are clashing, playing this tune that doesn't make any sense. And that's why it is more intense, because when we have ADHD, we don't have the best executive functioning or cognitive functioning in our brains to deflect our emotions. Yeah, there's no off switch. It just keeps going and going. Yeah. I wish we had an off switch. Yeah, it would be nice. Like a nothing box. I wish I had a nothing box that I could pull down and think about nothing. My spouse has a nothing box. He's like, I can just pull down a nothing box. I'm like, I don't have that.

17:27 What the hell is a nothing box? I don't get it. Yeah. It's just a blank canvas. There's nothing there. No. I know what that's I always have said, even before I knew I had ADHD, that my mind was like the New York Stock Exchange ticker tape that just goes. You're just seeing all this stuff like blaze by like the numbers and you don't understand any of it. I was like, that's what it's like being in my head. And they're also random sometimes. You're like, Oh, let me look that up right now. I don't forget. Stock market, right? Goes up and down, and that's the way it is. So how can ADHD flooding impact relationships? When emotions surge like this unexpected, a high tide and low tide, it's It can really be confusing for not only those with ADHD, but it's also for those around us.

18:15 Imagine, that our partner has no idea that we've got this ticker tape going in our head of all of the stuff I need to do this summer. And I'm thinking about it right this second. And they don't understand why we flip out because there's a dish on the side of the sink. Right? That's my house. And I was like, can we just put it in the sink? And they're like, what's the big deal? And it's like, how did we go from A to B? Even Jess and I were just talking before we started recording and she started getting really sad talking about something and I was like, what? And she was like, Oh no, I switched over to the other thing we were talking about. And I totally forgot to include you. So sorry. And she was like, wait, what? I was like, oh, you didn't follow my brain path.

18:55 Normally I do follow it because I'm all over the place too. But And yeah, it's hard. And so if you can have open communication with your partners or, your podcast partner and be like, hey, I'm switching topics or, hey, I'm thinking about this, they can at least follow and they can Not to share your flooding experience, but they can have a little bit more empathy and understanding. Right. And learn your communication style. So Randy, are there any specific triggers that cause emotional flooding? So how we were talking about stimuli and triggers before. So high stress situations, sensory overload, like the lights, the sound, noises, unexpected changes, or transitions in your life, or just day to day, sometimes I, before I knew how to manage all of this if our plans got upended and changed, I would just melt down because I was like, thinking, thinking, thinking, this is what we're doing.

19:51 This is where we're going. And then all of a sudden we're not. And I was like, So there was no go with the flow. Now I'm much more go with the flow. But then it would just send me, into this flooding state. And then we talked about being tired, being hungry, fatigue. It's like having an emotional trip wire or if you're thinking I'm walking in a field of bombs, and you don't know where the bomb is. And is it going to go off? Am I going to stay? Step like walking on eggshells. Yeah. When you feel like that. And so what sets one person off might not set off another. with that too, what sets you off one night, the other nights you could be totally fine. Exactly, Exactly. And that's also what it is. You're like, your partner's like, but I've done that every night and why is tonight the issue?

20:33 Yeah. And so that's why. It's better to be aware of what's going on. Yeah. Now, I also become flooded when my meds have worn off because I can have a high stress day, a lot going on. And then the medication wears off. And then I'm like, Oh, yep, there goes my coping skill. I'm out and it can be flooding. So I know that those are not the nights that I go to target. Those are not the nights that I'm like, oh, let me go and get all my grocery shopping at Costco done. Right. Or I'm going to go to a concert that night. That's just going to end up in disaster for everybody. Exactly. So plan a little bit better. So Jess, how can I tell the difference between just normal everyday stress and ADHD induced flooding stress?

21:16 That is a good one. aDHD emotional flooding can feel like stress that is just dialed up to like an 11 out of 10. Yeah, 1100. 1100. it's often more acute and it comes with this feeling of just being emotionally, hijacked. and I agree with that because like I was saying, I felt like I was It's frozen, literally, but I wanted to do all these things, and I couldn't, and then I get more frustrated. And it is, it feels like you don't have control over what's happening. Exactly. Regular stress, it builds up, it's more slowly over time but the emotional flooding piece is where it comes out of nowhere. It feels almost like an anxiety attack, but it is emotional flooding that may be causing the anxiety attack.

22:02 Randi, what are some strategies to manage ADHD flooding? So it's really about finding what resonates with you and what you need. Like we talked about finding what your triggers are. So finding those, finding out if mindfulness techniques work for you. It could be deep breathing exercises. It could be grounding activities like Jess and I said, go outside, put your toes in the sand or put them in the grass. It could be, establishing a routine. Oh, routines are good. Something that you can depend on, but also, understanding that things can change, too. Like I was talking about, like it used to upend me when my routine would get out of whack.

22:42 And lean on your support system. Lean on those friendships, those relationships, your therapist, those things to help get you through when you are feeling overwhelmed so you can learn those coping skills that you need. There's not a one size fits all for anything in mental health, let alone this. And so you really need to have patience and self compassion and empathy And grace for yourself. Ooh, grace. Yeah. That's a hard one. Sometimes learning to have grace for yourself. And so when you feel like you're drowning in this and you are literally being flooded, you can find that ladder up above or that pinpoint of light and head towards that when you have these tools in your arsenal and sometimes I'll say I'm being flooded right now.

23:32 I need to go in the other room and just take a break and just do some breathing or go blow bubbles or go take a shower. I have noise canceling headphones. Yeah. Two that I put on when I'm just like, okay, this is my signal. Everybody knows just walk away from mom. Now's not the time. But if that works for you, that's the key that they see. Oh, mom's got her headphones on. All right, cool. I'll come back. That's great. I used to do that at the office when I was working. When I was like trying to do my notes before I'd have my headphones on, they wouldn't be connected to anything or plugged in. But people knew it was a sign. We're like, oh, she's listening to music. Yeah, totally cool. So Jess, do you think medication is an option to helping emotional flooding when you have ADHD?

24:17 I think it is definitely an option. I think talk to the doctor, find what works for you, because what works for you may not work for the next person. Whether that's going to be your ADHD medication or something to help you. with your anxiety at that moment. Your doctor is going to be the best one, your nurse practitioner, your psych nurse practitioner, your primary care, your psychiatrist, whatever it is or whoever it is that you feel comfortable talking openly with. That's who you talk with and just be honest and open about how you're feeling. Randy, what lifestyle changes can assist women with ADHD in remoosing, remoosing, remoosing! Remoosing, is that a new, that's a new word we're going to coin that, remoosing.

24:59 Remoosing, removing some of this, feelings of flooding. Looking after your well being. your health, your mental health, your overall, soul. And that comes down to, self care, but putting yourself first. And regular sleep. I know. It's easier said than done. Nutritious diet, water. Also, we don't always follow that. Jess and I are not the greatest at it, either. I've not eaten today, so that's cool. And we have Coke Zero on our desk. Yeah, I don't know if I have either. I was just thinking. I was just like, no. I don't think I've eaten today. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Do as we say, not as we do. But we recognize that if we're feeling bad, that maybe we need to go get some protein.

25:45 Right. Maybe we need to have some water. Maybe we need to take a step back because we've learned we are not perfect. No, and nobody is that's the thing That's why we're talking about doesn't exist. We all have these struggles, whether in you know a larger amount or a smaller amount we all struggle and Also physical activity. And carving out time, especially for relaxation. I know it's like, what's that? But that could be reading a book, sitting outside, getting in your hot tub with your partner and having a conversation. I love doing that. Even just planning a date night, even if it's going to be far off, like I love planning things, so I know I can look forward to them.

26:27 When you put these things in motion, you're building a life that is supportive of your needs and your ADHD. then when these things trigger and happen, you have almost like a buffer against this flooding so that you can have these things that you can live with. Rely on and lean on when things are tough, man. When you said that, I imagine like this ocean coming against the pier and most of the time the wall it stops it and you can look at the break wall and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. And then I imagine sometimes, it comes flying over and you're all screwed anyway. So you got to step back. But yeah, that's what I imagined when you said that.

27:09 Jess, do you think therapy or counseling can help with flooding? Absolutely. Talk to a counselor or a therapist, especially somebody who specializes in ADHD because most people do not know enough about ADHD to recognize it. I was thinking, am I over diagnosing people? No, I recognize it. Like I don't tell them on the first time like, Oh, I think you're ADHD, but I give it some sessions. I ask some questions and I'm like, okay, have you ever had this thought literally like, are you ADHD? And I have so many women that I end up going, you're ADHD. What you're doing isn't just anxiety, it's ADHD and this is flooding or this is ADHD because.

27:55 They didn't know like we didn't that we had ADHD it's important to find somebody that Specializes it in it and don't be afraid to ask what is your background in this? How are you specialized in this? what extra courses? Have you taken in this? You have a right to ask and find somebody that fits you for therapy or a doctor, anything that has to do with your health. You have a right to ask what's your education in this and do that so that you are empowered and you know that you're going to the right person and somebody isn't misdiagnosing you. That's like her big pet peeve. It is. Just so you know. If you've listened to me before, I, yeah, I want people to find somebody that is a good fit for them.

28:40 And I feel like a lot of people just go to whoever, and then they're frustrated because they're not getting the help they need. And the therapist isn't also telling them like, we're not a good fit. I'm the type of therapist You come to me and we're not meshing. I'm gonna be like, I can't help you You need to see somebody that can help you but a lot of people won't or people get attached to somebody and that's not their specialty. okay off my soapbox. Moving on Remember, your journey towards emotional balance is yours but you don't have to walk through this journey alone, right? You don't have to. There are so many women out there that are ready to share and support and uplift each other and you and be part of this.

29:24 It is creating this. community. Right. By being vulnerable in some ways, like you have to protect yourself, you have to protect your peace. But you can still open up, and let others know that this is happening, like sharing your struggles and celebrating, the good things that happen. Every time you validate or acknowledge or normalize ADHD, you're going to find other people out there who are going to do it too. Even before here, I was at Costco getting my glasses and the lady was like, man, I love your energy. And I said, well, I'm ADHD. She goes, yeah, I think I am too. And we just had this great little conversation and all I did was normalize it and not make it feel like it was a bad thing. And yeah, she probably is.

30:04 She's got the same energy I do. And when you do that, you are reducing the stigma. You're reducing the stigma around ADHD, you're reducing the stigma about mental health. And that is so powerful. And it was just in passing, that just did something like that. It doesn't have to be like we said, like this big, huge, profound, you don't need to give a TED talk on it, even just helping one person, you have no idea down the line that could have in helping so many other people. So yes, if you are feeling flooded, reach out. Start to recognize what's going on. And that way when it does happen, you can take control of the situation versus just sitting there paralyzed.

30:47 Yeah. And if you felt like this was you or somebody, share it with them. it can't hurt. Nope.