The Cozy Girl Guide Guide to Mental Wellness

Jess: 0:14

Welcome back to the Women's Mental Health Podcast with Randi and Jess. We're two licensed psychotherapists and we talk about mental health, well being and strategies for coping with life's challenges. And

Randi: 0:25

how it's all normal and you're not alone.

Jess: 0:27

This episode aims to explore the soft girl, cozy girl, and happy girl ideals and their impact on women's mental health.

Randi: 0:37

So we are going to talk about the importance of authenticity and self-acceptance and celebrate these ideas, which should be a joyful expression of personal comfort and happiness without the burden of society. Yes, these ideas have come from TikTok, but they come from up there. place of authenticity and people trying to make sense of the world around them and how they fit into it. You can find us and more resources on womensmentalhealthpodcast.com. Now is the time to have your questions and thoughts. Have you ever had these?

Jess: 1:12

thoughts? Okay, so this is the one I was like, okay? What is the soft girl trend, and why

Randi: 1:17

Does it matter? I know, when I told Jess we should talk about these, she said, I have no idea, like, what you're talking about, what these are, and I was like, alright, time to go; we're going to dig into these. Yeah, I have no idea. What is the cozy girl trend, and how does it relate to mental illness?

Jess: 1:32

What is the happy girl trend, and why is it so important for mental health?

Randi: 1:36

How do these trends relate to self-care, and why is self-care important for mental health?

Jess: 1:43

How do these trends promote body positivity and self-acceptance?

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And what impact do these trends have on mental health, wellness, and your overall quality of life?

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How do these trends challenge societal norms and expectations, and why is that even

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important? How can we incorporate these TikTok trends into our daily lives for better mental wellness? How

Jess: 2:04

can we use these trends to support and uplift other women in our

Randi: 2:08

lives? And how can we continue to break down mental health stigmas by embracing these trends?

Jess: 2:15

Okay, so I guess first, we have to go through and define what this is. Maybe y'all know and I don't, but I have no idea. So let's start with a soft girl. What is a soft girl? What is this stuff, Randi?

Randi: 2:29

So most of these movements really reflect things that are generated towards self-care, self comfort and really embracing joy in the everyday. And so the soft girl era really is about personifying gentleness, kindness, and embracing vulnerability as strengths rather than weaknesses. They are strengths. Yeah. I feel like they really are. And we downplay those things a lot,  I think. Sometimes these trends can do a disservice because they're like, oh, airy, soft, feminine ruffles, but it's not just that. because a lot of times they kind of turn into these fashions...

Jess: 3:09

I did. I asked her, and I was like, What do they look like? She's—what do you mean they look like? They're this inner blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no, no, no. What would I wear? Yeah, yeah. How

Randi: 3:17

Do I know which one I am? There is, like, a component of that. That's not really where they stay. stem from. It stems from what this well of wanting to like cozy girl era kind of is about, like comfort and creating a space that can kind of nurture yourself and cause you relaxation and the happy girl really reflects like pursuing joy and positivity and Finding that joy in your everyday, they say people will romanticize your everyday life, like doing your laundry, washing the dishes or going on an errand. Like, where can you find joy in those things that might usually cause you stress? 

Jess: 3:59

Yeah, I still want to know what I'm supposed to wear.

Randi: 4:02

I can do a separate thing on what you're supposed to wear for each since I do do the fashion side of everything.

Jess: 4:07

You might have to let me know so I can know how to recognize which one I am.

Randi: 4:10

I would be considered a cozy girl because I like wearing things like leggings, joggers, sweatpants, UGGS and things like that.

Jess: 4:20

I think I've got to be cozy then, too, because I have nice hair. I have thick socks on right now, and they make me happy. So wait, would I be happy, girl, though? Mm, we can go for all of them.

Randi: 4:26

Why shoot for just one?

Jess: 4:32

Let's go and define a little bit more about the soft girl trend and why it matters.

Randi: 4:35

Okay, the soft girl trend really celebrates emotional openness, vulnerability, and authenticity. It promotes self-expression and body positivity because if you feel like you want to be, you know, softer or you want to wear something more feminine, go for it and these things are important for your mental wellness. Like we were saying in a previous podcast, do things that make you happy. And don't worry about what everybody else thinks—whether you want to be soft, whether you want to be edgy, whether you want to be cozy, whether you want to be You know, emo, like I'm showing my age, but I was just thinking, yep, you just showed your age. The Cozy Girl trend really is about creating. A cozy space, whether that's at work or at home with what you're wearing and creating a space that you feel invited into, that you feel like is your nest in your home and that you can recharge and promote things like relaxation, self care and mindfulness. And this really encourages us to slow down, take a pause and care about how we feel in our bodies. And how we feel in our homes, and those things I feel are essential to who we are and our overall health, what do you think makes a happy girl?

Jess: 5:57

They all feel like they're embracing themselves, right? The joy, the positivity and the self-love. It just feels like these new trends with the happy girl are talking about having better mental health and a positive mindset, because that's what's going to make you better overall. And we're not talking about false positivity or the toxic positivity thing. It's more about being realistic, which is what I was getting from it.

Randi: 6:25

Yes. And just like finding joy in every day, yeah,  why do these trends matter and why have they taken off? Because they're really empowering Because I feel like a lot of things can make us feel like we're not measuring up. We talked about perfectionism in a previous podcast, and perfectionism and ideals that aren't attainable can lead us to feel like we're and that we need to conform to an idea, a look, or a style, whereas this is just like, This is what I love, and this is who I am, and that's that.

Jess: 7:08

That's authenticity. I have to admit, I'm going to sound really old here, folks. I'm going to do it. I love the younger generations and what I'm seeing. One of the things I've been really looking at is how these younger generations are really learning to be authentic with themselves, and they're really learning to be vulnerable. We're teaching emotions now, and it's such a cool generational thing. I was in the car two days ago with my daughter, and she says she doesn't respect my boundaries. And I was like, at 13, I don't think I would have; I didn't even know that shit at 30. And so she was like, She doesn't respect my boundaries, and I can't be friends with her because of that. And you're like, damn. I was blown away by that because this is what they're learning and this is part of being vulnerable, being open and honest, loving yourself and respecting yourself. I can see why these trends are coming out because I just don't think it's my generation. That's. Saying they're cozy girls.

Randi: 8:09

I think that it has a positive kind of outpouring on to those of us that are older to because They are expressing themselves in ways that we were never allowed to express ourselves and that they feel safe enough to do that or that they don't have fear of doing that and that And I think that in doing this on social platforms like this, it creates a community where other women feel welcome and can be vulnerable and engaged. And that just opens up communication, which is so important to our mental health.

Jess: 8:45

It is. And it is. Finding these spaces is like creating them, and they don't feel like Pinterest. They don't feel like they're perfect, right? They feel like they are more authentic. Exactly. And that's what's really cool about all of this self-expression—they're not doing the norm.

Randi: 9:03

And I think that's why it goes hand in hand with being important for self-care and being important for self-acceptance and body positivity: it encourages us to accept ourselves where we're at, what we love right now, how we feel right now in the moment, what makes us unique, what makes us different, what makes us perfectly imperfect, and so it shows us that we don't have to conform to beauty standards, physical standards, or physical standards that are what your house looks like on Pinterest. You can, you have value where you're at, and you are worthy just as you are.

Jess: 9:49

And I think it helps too that some of the big shopping online places are now showing models in different sizes. You can say, Okay, what size do you want to see this outfit on? Do you want to know, and it'll tell you this model is this tall and this weight, right? And so you can go, oh, okay. So you're not comparing yourself to if somebody who's 5'7 if you're 5'4 Because obviously, we're going to look a little different. Exactly. And so it feels like society is really opening up to this. What else do we do for body positivity and self-acceptance? What else can this bring, Randi?

Randi: 10:26

It brings just a sense of individuality to it all—you don't have to feel like you fit into a certain mold or model or compare yourself; you can find how this resonates with you.

Jess: 10:48

One of the things I always focus on, because I look for these things when I hear different words from people, is what this trend is going to do to our mental wellness or mental health. How is it going to impact people that I may or may not be working with or my children? And so far, it seems like it's really having more of a positive impact on mental health because it is, again, promoting self-care and emotional openness, and, oh, that just makes my heart just flutter.

Randi: 11:18

Yeah. And I think I feel like this too. Okay, so you might not fit into this trend. So then people are creating trends that make them fit in and finding other women that fit into that trend. So it's not about being excluded; it's about finding where you feel This resonates with you. And if it resonates with somebody else, great for them I love that but if not, okay, I'm going to find something that works for me and that this is how I kind of feel like I gel in or that this speaks to me, but being okay with that and not like bashing one or the other, but finding what really works for you or where you feel like you fit in.

Jess: 12:06

Is that different, though? I remember reading the other day that somebody was talking about how even in our mom groups, there's cliques, right? And, and I'm like, I don't know. Are they cliques because you don't fit in with them? Or did they just find their group? Is it like a mean girl vibe? Is it, Do you? I don't get that vibe from it.

Randi: 12:24

Some of them can go that way. I felt like there's been a clean girl aesthetic and things like that that are very rigid.

Jess: 12:35

I don't know what a clean girl aesthetic is either.

Randi: 12:37

But that's okay. There's some that I feel are very rigid and honed towards a certain demographic. And then there's some that I feel are just more flowy and inviting, but I think that's why they're trends that kind of. Come in and pop in and pop out, and I feel like if they have more positivity and self-worth around them, they'll stick around for longer. 

Jess: 13:05

All right. So how can we use these trends to support and uplift other women in our lives? That's a big one, especially because we both have daughters and we have a friend group. So how do we use these trends?

Randi: 13:15

I think it's just that, like we said, we're older and we didn't have the chance to express ourselves in these ways. So like encouraging that within our own daughters or friends or nieces, nieces, whatever that looks like, to celebrate their uniqueness. Whatever that looks

Jess: 13:36

Now that you said that, the thought that popped into my brain was at her age, right? When I was 13, we were trying to keep up and compare with other people. Did we have any? Oh, I'm going to do it Do you remember the generic brand? No, I see I'm older than you.

Randi: 13:50

I was going to say, Did you have DELIA's catalog?

Jess: 13:54

I don't even know what that is, but it was more about competition. We wanted what everybody else had. We were doing the Keds with the big socks. We were trying to keep up. The rolled jeans. Oh my gosh, yes. Or buying the 50, which was way expensive back then, jeans. Guess jeans and put holes in them. God, my mother would flip. She used to flip out. We were not doing it to be unique. We were doing it to fit in because we had to fit in and compete because of how things were going.

Randi: 14:25

Yeah, it was comparison instead of individuality.

Jess: 14:28

I love that these kids are moving towards that and that in this generation, you don't have to be a kid, but that this generation is really promoting being okay with who you are and loving who you are. Yeah. Now throw in the pronouns with that, and you're going to make all the boomers heads just because they're going to spam. Oh my, they's and everything else; it's going to get really confusing.

Randi: 14:51

Oh gosh. So remember that. whether it's embracing softness, coziness, or happiness, that it's really about a celebration of your unique self, your self-worth, without succumbing to external pressures or societal, society's norms and

Jess: 15:15

That's a wrap. We hope this episode encourages you to embrace these ideals authentically and without stress. And remember that your individuality is your superpower. So Rani is going to go put up some pictures so you can get an idea, because I need to; I'm very visual.

Randi: 15:34

She needs some visualizations of what a soft girl, cozy girl, or happy girl are. And I did. I wrote. About what each one is in depth for our blog on our website, womensmentalhealthpodcast.com.

Jess: 15:47

Alright, see you later.